


Lessons in Mortality

by Soliya



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Post ep-24
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 19:12:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4678160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soliya/pseuds/Soliya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The name of his normal everyday is blind belief. There is no proof, no guarantee that they'll reach the end of the line, but this is his hypothesis on euphoria, his quest for humanity, and the kind lie he has spread.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons in Mortality

**Author's Note:**

> This was my piece for the AZ fanbook (azfanbook.com)! Check it out to see everyone's works. Very amazing. Very pretty! I've never participated in something like this before so it was great. Life without deadlines is nice. Big thanks to Steph for organizing it!  
> First time I started writing a lot was for AZ. First time I wrote smut was for AZ. First time I participated in a project like this was for AZ. Someone save me from AZ hell please..

A fly that had accidentally found itself in the car issued by the military persistently buzzed around the top of the window as if it was trying to escape the narrow confines of its new prison. It was of small size, but the buzzing of its wings was almost deafening in the otherwise silent car. It kept prancing to and fro, only to be dismayed that there was no exit. While he normally would have opened up the window to let the tiny insect escape and to spare himself a headache from its insistent buzzing, it was raining today and he didn’t feel like having the insides of the car get wet in a makeshift rescue attempt of a fly of all things. The days of purposely getting wet from the rain to incite conversation were long over. Instead, he tried focusing all his attention on the tablet in his hands as they approached an old building, pointedly ignoring the annoyed huffs coming from his driver and the set of briefing papers on his lap.

It looked like a standard mansion from the outside, but there was no doubt that it was outfitted with the latest technology in security systems and facilities. It must have cost a fortune and he mused that perhaps that was the true reason for the higher ups’ sudden change in tune. War was profitable, but now that the war was over and the public demanded transparency, resources had to be carefully allotted. Money was always the leak shoddily patched up and the biggest clue for the too curious cats.

As the car pulled to a stop, the fly stopped its venture in the top of the car and roamed around Inaho’s tablet. It was smaller than average, but as it darted alongside the edge of the door where the handle was, almost as if it was urging him to open it to let it free, Inaho crushed it with the briefing papers.

Yuki whipped her head around at the noise. “Nao!? What was that?”

He carefully lifted the papers to confirm that it truly was dead and then took out a napkin to wipe its blood and guts off of the handle. The crushed body of the fly had splattered over words like mission statement.

“Weren’t those important...?” Yuki hesitantly asked, having already received an answer to her earlier question.

“They weren’t.” He gave her a reassuring smile. She did not know the contents of papers and it was better like this. He folded the paper, staring as the fly remains smeared over the UFE logo.

Though not entirely convinced—after all, you don’t just go around trashing briefing papers—she smiled back and patted his back. “When should I pick you up?”

Not immediately responding, he turned his only eye to the guards stationed outside of the prison even in this cascade of rain. They looked almost relieved to see him, though he wasn’t sure if that was because he was projecting his own feelings onto them. “It’s not only me today. I don’t know when it will end so I’ll get a ride from someone else after it’s all over.”

Yuki opened her mouth to speak, but then soon thought better of it, gripping the steering wheel tightly and avoiding his gaze that had now focused in on her. When they were younger, people used to tell her that they were uncomfortable looking at Inaho straight in the eye—those red eyes seemingly seeing parts of you that you didn’t want to be seen—and she always dismissed their words, but for one moment just now, she felt like she maybe understood. Just maybe and only a little. He was her precious brother and her only family left after all. Everyone looks at their family with goggles that are a bit tighter than they should be.

After taking in a deep breath, she gave him the best smile she could muster and ruffled his soft hair, noticing how she had to raise her arm higher now to do so. It shouldn’t be a surprise considering he was now 21 years old, legally an adult, but she still saw him as that small child trailing behind her, looking to her for answers to questions that she didn’t understand herself.

“Yuki.” His voice sounded grumpy, but she could tell he wasn’t really annoyed.

“Good luck, Nao.” She said the words that she had put on that charm she gave him. She still sincerely believed that they had protected him on that fateful day in Russia and even if they didn’t and it was all just wishful thinking, there was nothing wrong with still believing and still praying to whatever god that was out there. That is why she still believes.

Inaho was not going into a war, but he was going into a battle. He might have tried to hide it from her, but the only sense better than a woman’s intuition was the triple S—a sister’s sixth sense.

“Thank you, Yuki.” He smiled, his red eye colored with warmth. People have told her that his eyes frightened them with their bloody red color, but she had to disagree. Wasn’t red the color of hearts? You could then say that Inaho’s eyes were filled with hearts, though the image of her brother with heart eyes wasn’t exactly one that suited his image in the slightest.

But she liked his red and the warm feeling that welled up in her chest when he looked up to her with those orbs. Though she only had one to look at now, their flame had not been put out and their glow had not dimmed.

He took his bag that contained two lunch boxes as per usual and the dirtied papers in the other. He left his tablet on the seat along with an orange umbrella.

“Nao, aren’t you going to take these?” She had never seen him go without his tablet before. “And you’re going to get wet.”

With his hand on the handle that he had cleaned moments before, he smiled at her one last time. “I don’t need them. And, it’s a tradition. For old time’s sake.”

“Tradition?”

“See you later, Yuki.” He opened the door and jogged through the rain.

She sat there for awhile, even after his now reliable back had long disappeared behind those thick steel walls. He was probably face to face with the person she hates the most right about now. Leaning her forehead onto the steering wheel, she suppressed the urge to slam her fist onto the dash of the car lest she attract the guards’ attention.

That blond bastard was stealing him away from her when she wasn’t ready to let go.

But, he had said ‘see you later’, so she has decided to trust those words.

She believes in him after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every movement of his slender, white fingers was practiced in its grace as they skillfully used the chopsticks to pick up food piece by piece. Mouthful by mouthful. It was times like this that Inaho was reminded that Slaine had lived as nobility in the past. In the years that he had spent with the man who covered up self-hate with polite indifference, it was almost easy to forget the charisma he displayed to win over the Versians and how easily he blended in amongst their kind.

He had presented the lunch box shortly after he had arrived to which the former Count made a face, but ultimately took the orange container anyway. It was a meal he had prepared himself consisting of rolled omelettes—salty instead of sweet, as Slaine likes them—and other entrees.

Slaine finally set down the chopsticks after eating the omelettes and Inaho noted that he had unusually finished everything. While he no longer starved himself, he never recovered his appetite completely. In the back of his mind, he thought that perhaps things would be better this way. This was what Slaine had wanted all this time after all.

But, still, there’s a need he has, an unbearable urge, and while he is now powerless, he still finds himself twitching his hands, repeating the motions of a scenario that has played far too many times in his head.

“Thank you for the food.” Slaine spoke dully out of obligation. It had been one of the orders Inaho had given him when he first started bringing him homemade food. And Slaine had obeyed, as he should.

Slaine would listen to everything Inaho said because he was his law, his justice.

 

He was his god.

 

While Inaho did not personally believe in the existence of a higher power, Slaine needed something to keep him going, to tell him which path he should walk, to forgive his very existence and the only one who could do that for him anymore was Inaho.

 

 

He remembers the day he abandoned being Kaizuka Inaho.

It was the day Slaine started smiling at him and the day he stopped looking at him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“’God is dead.’”

“Excuse me?”

Slaine held up the book he was reading, displaying the title Die fröhliche Wissenschaft. It was the work of the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche and one of the first books Inaho had given him.

“I sometimes have to ask if you choose these books on purpose.” Slaine smiled in a self-derisory manner.

“Why do you say that?” He set down his tablet. Lately, these meetings have dissolved into nothing more than a reading session for Slaine as he ignored Inaho and a quiet place to handle unfinished paperwork.

“Are you not mocking me with a book on philosophy that blatantly says god is dead?” His blue eyes narrowed in distaste.

Slaine’s god, the Empress, while not physically dead, was dead to him in the sense that he would never be allowed in her presence again. She could not and refused to be his world. After all, he had betrayed her by refusing to believe in her ability, her will, and her herself.

“I simply chose one of the more well-known books on philosophy.” Though he did not deny this particular one seemed very suitable for the disgraced former Count.

“Have you read it yourself?”

“Not in-depth.” He did not often engage in reading such texts, preferring books on hard science subjects.

He snorted. “Not a surprise. People turn to philosophy when they have lost their way. And you are definitely not a lost lamb.”

Inaho didn’t like his tone.

Slaine smirked mischievously, delighted that he had managed to rile up the stoic Kaizuka Inaho. He traced his fingers along the cover of the book and Inaho couldn’t take his eye off the stark contrast of his white fingers against the black cover.

“I’m saying that someone like you doesn’t need philosophy.” He was smiling, but it did not reach his eyes. “No matter the situation, no matter the circumstances, whatever choice you take will ultimately be ‘correct’. What use do you have for philosophy?”

 

Someone like you doesn’t need to justify your actions or motivations.

 

“...No one can live without having something believe in.”

“So I guess that’s why I’m dead then.” He laughed darkly, hands grasping at his pendant.

He was not talking about his “death”.

He had no purpose for living now, sentenced to live the rest of his days in this cell because of the naive wish of one girl and the foolish man who granted her it.

This is punishment. While the world was often careless and dilatory when giving people their well-deserved dose of karma, it sometimes does its job properly and in the case of Slaine Troyard, it did it perfectly.

Slaine had nothing left to believe in after he could not bring himself to believe in even his former god, but he was still gripping onto the pendant, a charm that supposedly warded off evil spirits.

Was that not a proof of belief?

Was that not proof that he desperately wanted something to believe in?

Then, he would do it. This was the oath he swore.

 

He would _save_ him.

 

“Hey, Slaine.”

The blond turned his eyes to him and he wondered how they looked in other expressions.

 

 

“Shall I become it for you then?”

 

 

Your god to believe in.

 

 

Your morals, your sin, your happiness, your life—I’ll be the judge of them all.

 

With his pale blond hair and brilliant blue eyes, Slaine slowly smiled—a genuine one—and he looked like an angel his looks led one to believe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“How was it?” He asked as he took back the lunch box and packed it away in his bag.

“Not bad for one’s last supper I suppose.” Slaine leaned back into his seat. “I can say that the last thing I ate was eggs. Isn’t that how you want to go too?”

“You make it sound as if I’m obsessed with eggs.”

Slaine rolled his eyes. “You’re telling me you’re not? Who’s the one who brings eggs every time you show your face around here?”

“A dozen of eggs are only 98 yen and they are a good source of protein. It is both beneficial from a financial and nutritional standpoint to have them often.” And then he said probably what was closer to the real reason. “And they’re your favorite, are they not?”

Slaine looked as if he couldn’t believe what Inaho had just said. “When did I ever say that?”

“You always leave them for last. I was under the impression you were the type to leave your favorite for last.”

“I could just be leaving them because I don’t want them.” Slaine looked frustrated so he knew he had been right on the mark.

“You specifically only ever left the salty rolled omelettes last. Whenever I made them sweet, you ate them in the middle along with others to assumedly mask the flavor.”

“You were experimenting with me?” He glared, eyes flashing yet still looking beautiful. He felt strangely melancholy that in ten more minutes he would never be able to gaze upon them ever again.

“I was merely trying to gauge your food preferences since you were so stubborn in not telling me.”

“I told you I’m fine with anything!”

“That’s not telling me anything at all.”

Slaine bit his lip and clamped his hand around his arm. “...It’s not like I was lying. I hadn’t had real food ever since I left Earth for Mars. Just about everything here tasted new and...”

He cut off his words, but Inaho already knew what he had wanted to say before his pride got in the way. While Slaine would say thank you for the food Inaho brought him, he would never allow himself to say it was good. It would be a form of betrayal to all his subordinates who had followed him in hopes of achieving such simple pleasures and have now since died with their leader soon to follow.

The UFE had finally decided to execute the former Count now that relations with Vers were stable and unlikely to collapse even if the Empress protested it, if she ever found out the true cause of death anyway. There was no merit in keeping a dead man alive.

Lethal injection by sodium thiopental.

It was an operation kept even from him and when he finally had his suspicions confirmed from one of the inner staff, he almost saw red as he felt his control over Slaine’s life slip through his fingers like sand. Inaho stood before Slaine on this day with his only victory being a sudden “impulsive” visit to interfere with his superiors’ plot.

He’s tempted to kill the blond right here and now so he would be the one to have killed him, not some doctor who doesn’t know him like he does. He was Slaine’s god. He was the one who should have control over his life. He was the one who should decide when he wanted that life to end.

And yet, he was losing that authority and he was losing the one thing that linked them together now that the Empress was gone from both of their lives.

He’s hauntingly reminded of the words Slaine quoted from that book.

God is dead.

He felt like that would be true once his one and only believer is killed by someone else’s hand.

He would go back to being Kaizuka Inaho and while it was comforting to know that he would no longer have to play a role or roll the die for someone else’s life, he couldn’t predict what he would feel when he would ask Yuki to go to this prison and only receive a slow refusal. He couldn’t predict what he would feel when he would prepare an extra lunch box that would eventually be eaten by his sister to not go to waste. He couldn’t predict what he would feel when he would buy more philosophy books when there would no longer be anyone to read them.

His phone vibrates, signaling that there are only five minutes left before it’s game over.

It is times like this when he wishes he still had the analytical engine. Perhaps then, he could have been logical, rational, pragmatic, but it is gone—the only thing he has received from Slaine is gone—and time is ticking down while they waste time on idle talk, holding back what they really want to say.

His hand twitches, repeating the motions of a scenario that has replayed far too many times in his head.

Everything was ready, but he could not take the final step and he was unsure if Slaine would take it with him.

“Hey, Kaizuka.”

He looked up to see Slaine peering at him with those blue eyes that had seen too much.

“How does it feel to be human again?” He smiled like a Cheshire cat, teasing with what could be interpreted as either malice or simple amusement.

Time stops and although he had wished for it to do so moments before, he realizes now that it’s just suffocating.

He had been forsaken.

Slaine had acknowledged that his word was not law and he was not absolute.

He was no longer his god.

 

To Slaine Troyard, he was simply Kaizuka Inaho.

 

“...It’s not too bad.” He lied.

“Well, you were barely human to begin with anyway.” He looked at to the eye patch that oppressively stood out.

“I was always human.”

He made mistakes just like any other.

“I know that.”

 

Four minutes.

 

“Hey, Kaizuka. The way I see it, you have three choices left.”

“...And they are?”

“One.” He pointed. “You send me into that room to die. It’ll be the curtain call to your revenge.”

“I don’t—“

Slaine hushed him, bringing up another finger. Having his fingers so close to his face made him realize all the more how thin he was.

“Two. You somehow disarm the guards out there and escape an S-class security level prison with the most infamous criminal in history in tow. Not so feasible now that I say it out-loud.”

It was simply impossible, especially considering he didn’t even have a gun and the facility was located in an UFE hub. They would be captured within seconds.

“Three. I like this one the best personally.” He gave a child-like smile though his words were far from innocent. “You kill me now with the time you have left.”

His blood went cold. He had thought about it, but hearing it from the man himself made him feel dirty for ever considering the idea.

“You were trained in hand-to-hand combat, correct? I’m sure you know the various ways of breaking one’s neck or perhaps you prefer good old-fashioned choking?”

Stop it.

“Ah, I’ll be sure to fight back and land a couple good hits on you though. I’ve wanted to smack you for the longest time.”

Stop it.

“This one will also satisfy the revenge thing from earlier. Doesn’t it seem like the best choice?”

Stop it.

“Now...what do you say, Kaizuka?”

“......I don’t intend on playing your games, Slaine.”

Slaine sighed as if he already knew what Inaho was going to say. “Too bad. I would have liked to punch you in the face at least once in my life.”

He knew that Slaine had desired death for so long, but he still could not fully comprehend why he was so joyful when death was so close.

He looked at his phone. Only two minutes left.

Adrenaline started pumping through his veins. Everything was ready except for the final answer.

“Are you not afraid in the face of death?”

This would be his last question and he prayed that Slaine’s answer would lead to him finding his own.

Slaine tilted his head. Then, he broke out into a gentle smile, reminding Inaho of when he first became his god.

 

“Why should I be when you’ll be with me?”

 

He couldn’t breathe.

 

“Those three options were all a small joke of mine, though I wasn’t lying when I said I want to punch you at least once in my lifetime.” Slaine tucked back a strand of his pale blond hair. “There’s only one choice and...I guess I’ll take it.”

He held up three fingers, then one by one, put a finger down till he was left with just his index finger. He then bopped Inaho’s nose with it.

 

That was the first time they had ever touched.

 

“Option one and only. I simply believe in you, Inaho.”

 

That was the first time Slaine had ever said his name.

 

He was looking at him, even when he wasn’t in the position to decide what was wrong and what was right, even when he had nothing left to give.

 

“I couldn’t accept forgiveness from god. I’ve done far too much for that.” Slaine spoke softly, never straying his eyes from Inaho’s as he stood up from his chair.

One minute.

 

He took Inaho’s hands into his own and smiled with what was not a large smile, but what was the first one directed at truly he himself and that was what he desired most of all.

 

 

“But, I feel like I can accept forgiveness from you.”

 

 

The clock was ticking and yet he didn’t care as he couldn’t help but smile. He had found his answer and he knew what he had to do.

“...I’ll take that smile as a yes, you’ll forgive me?” Slaine almost sounded timid, but Inaho found it endearing. It was much better than forced indifference or angry tirades.

“Yes, yes I will.”

One day. Someday. Just like how the moon will always rise to replace the fading sun and rain will always end to make way for clear skies, that day will surely come.

“So believe in me, Slaine.”

Believe me when I say I will act when that day arrives.

Believe me when I say this will not all be for vain.

Slaine lips formed that beautiful smile and Inaho thought to himself that yes, he could also believe in Slaine.

He laughed and Slaine looked at him with disbelieving eyes. “It’s the first time I’ve seen you laugh.”

“I’ve always been laughing at you.”

Slaine frowned. “Would it kill you to say with you?”

“You never laughed in front of me either so technically, I can’t.”

“The blame for that lies mostly with you......But...I’ll try from now on. I really will.”

 

The grip on each other’s hands tightened and they walked together, with one goal and in one mind, for that fleeting dream and for that inescapable time.

 

 

 

 

Until the day I can finally laugh not at, but with you.

Until the day zero becomes one, and then two.

Until the day there is nothing left in this hand.

Until the day there is no miracle to be had.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Until then, until that day that will surely come, goodbye, my god.

 

 

 

And welcome back to the world of mortality.

 

 

 

 


End file.
